Flipping the coin this Christmas

Shifting the focus from holidays to dread to holidays we can enjoy

I remember all too well what the weeks leading up to our first Christmas as a family looked like. There was excitement in the air, but also a lot of anxiousness. Some to do with the more usual occurrences around that time like peoples rushed energy and a little sadness knowing I would spend the first holiday with our daughter so far away from my family, some to do with knowing that we were soon about to walk through the experience of a major surgery. It was a lot.

Christmas always had a special place in my heart. Although I grew up feeling the tense energy in the air in the lead up to it, my parents put an immense amount of effort into making it as magical and mystical as possible. The occasional fights around this time were normal, though we forget as children, don’t we? At least until we are parents of our own and all of it abruptly bubbles to the surface again.

Santa doesn’t really have much of a place in Austria, my homeland, though we were visited by the “Christkind” each year instead. A time my sister and I, and probably every other kid in the small neighbourhood of the mountain village we grew up in, looked forward to immensely each year. I remember the smell of Christmas cookies, the gingerbread house we made from scratch as a family, the frankincense my mum used to burn alongside the dried oranges and cinnamon sticks she placed throughout the home to add to the scent of Christmas. Decorating the Christmas tree was one of my favourite things to do as a child and truthfully I still very much enjoy it.

We celebrate Christmas on the 24th, unlike here in Australia were all the excitement happens on Christmas Day, the morning of the 25th of December. I am not sure I will ever adapt to unwrapping presents way before the sun rises, but for the sake of our children we rise early and we make sure we do it with big smiles on our faces (and strong coffee in our hands).

Back in time and back in Austria our dad would take us for walks in the afternoons while my mum aka the Christkind would quietly and in secret deliver all the wonderful gifts we then got to unwrap later on after a hearty family meal and the yearly round of “Silent Night, Holy Night” surrounding the Christmas tree. We really aren’t great singers so I thinking back I hear the laughter echoing through our home whenever the high pitch parts would make an appearance.

Christmas as a parent though is a little (a lot) different. I can now understand the underlying sense of rush within my parents whenever the holidays neared. I can relate to time and monetary stressors and I can relate to the pressure of wanting to make it all as magical as possible as well as the anxiousness when realising that perhaps we should’ve started organising it all a little earlier.

The first Christmas as a mother was filled with a lot of emotions for me. As mentioned above while preparing the home, we were also readying ourselves for a moment in our family life that I won’t ever forget. Knowing your child will undergo a major surgery is not something you can push away, even amidst the Christmas spirit. It was also tough not being with family around this time. There was an emptiness within me, while also feeling incredibly full. An internal conflict of wanting to slow down and take it all in and at the same time being carried away by thoughts and what-if’s. Wanting to be there but also wanting to flee.

Apart from the internal roller coaster, externally I struggled as well. Being a recovering perfectionist I, of course, wanted to ensure it was all going to be perfect. From the food, to the decorations, the cookies, the gifts. I wanted to marry both of our traditions, which didn’t quite work in the first year. Mind you we got it figured out now after 8 years of practice and getting clear on what Christmas actually means to us as a family.

I know a lot of you may not choose to celebrate Christmas. All the fuss around Santa Claus, Christmas trees and sometimes even gift giving is overwhelming and also not aligned for a lot of families. I can relate to and understand that completely. For us, having experienced a childhood with very enthusiastic parents and all the magic we felt, magic that is still lingering deep within our bones and emerging every year again at almost the same point in time, we decided that even though we don’t agree with the consumerism, we definitely agree with the magic.

Thinking about our first Christmas 8 years ago, I recall a moment of me breastfeeding at 3am reading through an overwhelming amount of emails and posts I had received on how to make Christmas more enjoyable, guides on slowing down, information on how to deepen the meaning of it, how to escape consumerism, how to not escape it and go all in, how to set the table right, what to cook and what not to cook, long lists of recommended gifts and so much more. I still see the same happen every year, though I have learned now to stay clear of them. Unless you’re one of my favourite writers, I shall devour it.

Where was the one letter, the how-not-to-give-a-fuck-what-everyone-else-is-doing-and-create-a-christmas-that-feels-right-for-you letter I so desperately needed at that time.

The one reminding me of “hey, I know you’re overwhelmed and sleep deprived but all you need to do is go within and you will know how to create the most magical and fulfilling fest for all involved”.

Reading through the multitude of information left me with more overwhelm rather than things I wanted to actually incorporate and make part of our holiday which is why today, as I am typing away in my air conditioned living room because the heat outside is unbearable and I really needed to wear a Santa hat while writing this, I won’t give you any advise, or insights or things to do in order to have a “more enjoyable Christmas”.

Instead I am reminding you that whatever pace, whatever tree, whatever gift, whatever table spread, whatever intention, whatever *add here* you choose, is the right one for you. That whatever decision you make, whatever feels right to do within you, is just that - right.

Just as life looks different for everyone, the holidays do too. Rather than calling you to try a certain thing for a better experience, I invite you to get clear on your intentions for the weeks ahead and open ways for an authentic, tailored-to-your-family-and-your-values-holiday-period.

As you know I am a huge advocate for slow living, for doing things with intention and from the heart though I’ve realised over the years that slowing down in life as well as during the holidays looks very different for all of us.

There isn’t one way for people to magic away all the rushed energy during this time. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to jolly holidays. There are billions of ways and it is on us to shape the perfect one for ourselves.

We tend to forget that Christmas, New Years and the weeks in-between are more than just a holiday period to dread. This may be my inner child speaking, the one still desperately trying to shift the energy from surrounding negativity into positivity and gratitude but perhaps we can change our perspective from it being this stressful time we just want to end as quickly as possible to something a little more meaningful.

What if we instead focused on seeing and experiencing the weeks ahead as a time of connection, of intention, going within and giving from the heart with no agenda, whatever this may look like for you.

You might enjoy connecting with your community over mulled wine and Christmas markets, you may be the one cooking up a storm for your entire living family tree. You may go to festivity after festivity and leave with a heart filled with joy. Others might hide under the blanket by the sheer thought of it and prefer connecting in a smaller, more intimate realm. Some may not feel like connecting at all, some may miss a special person this Christmas. None of it is right or wrong.

Our intentions might also differ. Yours may be to put a smile on everyone’s face during this time. It may be to give to those in need. It may be to take care of yourself first and foremost as you know if you don’t, you’ll burn out. It may be all of the above or it may be something else entirely.

The way we centre ourselves, the way we turn inward? Well that’s also different for each and every one of us. One may come back to centre by taking a long walk in nature, one may meditate, one may paint, one may dance, one may cook, one may cancel all plans and hibernate in the knowing that that’s what’s best for them.

One thing that is important is to accept where we are at. For me the above changes every year. We communicate as a family as to what we can or cannot achieve during the holidays and we ensure everyones wishes are taken into consideration - not just the ones of our children because we want them to have the best time. The best times are always the ones when everyone’s heart is full, everyone’s body and mind is rested and everyone feels heard and seen.

I know the holidays can be an incredibly difficult period for some, myself included. It is the time I miss my family the most. It is the time grief comes back, over and over. It is the time I rethink my life and ask whether it was the right decision to move across the continent to raise a family so far from my own. It is the one time I feel most fulfilled and most heartbroken all at once.

And I know I’m not alone. And neither are you.

What does my heart want?

A question I ask myself in the lead up to it. How do I want to show up? How much capacity do I have? What makes me feel most alive? How can I weave intention into my every day and how can I serve those that need a helping hand? How can I nurture myself during those times of feeling sadness? How can I hold others who may experience the same?

What does my heart want?

I know whenever I ask myself this simple but powerful question, I move through the weeks of rush, excitement, sadness and the array of other emotions with a little more ease because I get clear on what I need and then follow through from the heart. Truly, you can never go wrong with that.

If we do it with intention, love, kindness and compassion in mind, our souls and bodies don’t tire as easily, overwhelm doesn’t hit just as fast if we focus on presence and the grief lifts a little if we spread love to those in front of us. Though we shall never forget to show the same compassion and kindness we give to others to ourselves as well. To nurture our communities but also us. To remember what our heart needs is remembering what we require in order to give and live the way we intend to.

So perhaps instead of looking at ways on how to have slower/better/more exciting/more minimalistic/quieter (insert all other options here) holiday perhaps this year you can ask yourself just that.

“What does your heart want?”

Perhaps then we can learn to craft a holiday that feels right for us. A holiday that represents togetherness, compassion, kindness and love instead of rushed-ness, disconnect and a sense of waiting for it to be over and done with for yet another year.

Our first holiday as a family of three was stressful. Even though I was looking forward to the magic, getting there was filled with anxiety and unnecessary angst of not being able to get it all done, of failing and not being enough.

Now however, 8 years and another beautiful child later, I can happily say no to holidays that leave me feeling tired and burnt out and say yes to the ones that fill me with joy, yes to holidays that I will remember as the most magical times with my children, yes to holidays of allowing all emotions to rise and fall without judgement, yes to holidays of accepting life isn’t linear. Saying yes to this time in the same way I’m saying yes to life. With compassion for myself and others, grace and a whole lot of fun and “I-can-handle-anything-but-also-don’t-mind-if-I-don’t” energy.

And I truly hope, you can find that too.

---

In the spirit of giving - a gentle reminder that you can now get an annual paid membership for 50% off - only valid for a little longer as all proceeds made will be donated to children with congenital heart disease and terminal illness.

If you are a paid subscriber feel free to join us in our private chat thread over the holidays. We are taking time to focus on a word for each week to help us centre, move through this time with intention and take what feels right into the new year.

A paid membership will support you on your journey to a simpler life, on your path inwards and hopefully open ways on how to reshape the way you mother and meet the world and is a token of appreciation, a way of showing that you value what you receive in your inbox twice a week. Thank you for your support. You make all this possible.

And as always if you found value in this post, please consider sharing it with someone you love. It’s such a joy to see my words being shared and it is so so appreciated.

With all my love and gratitude,
Claudia xx

It is you - On making the small the big and acknowledging that you are your biggest achievement

Sunday Flowers #2 - monthly round up of inspiring reads , things that moved me and what’s to come in December/January

Our journey to a slow, intentional way of living.

From invisible to visible to achievable - about a Mothers load.

For the Substackers - “A different kind of growth post”

A life of less .. self-doubt - a new change and new series.

Mud cakes in the sky - on manifestation and “chasing” dreams

I am leaving Instagram - Without the world watching was a piece I wrote in anticipation to it.